*sigh* I figured that was part of the problem Shutting up about pirates for a long while. *zips lips* Not to mention a ton of other things.

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Row Row Fight the Power!

I just can't do 'Christian' day after day after day. He's a huge emotional void and I can't play him as a huge emotional void EVERY day. So then he gets horribly out of character and I go "sdjasldjlsad;j SD<" at myself and melt.

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No problems. Like I said. I'll stop. It's no biggie.

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Row Row Fight the Power!

Yeah, well.. the '*sigh*' said otherwise of it. I just was -not- a happy camper yesterday when Whitney woke me up from a -rather- nice nap and all I hard was "BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHCHRISTIAN!SUPERMAN!BLAHBLAH"

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Sorry. It's not like we knew you were sleeping. And the fact that neither of us knew you were in such a '<' mood about pirates, or just in that mood. We just though we were sharing something you would find funny and laugh along with us. Apparently not that day. So sorry. And just because we called you when we were hanging out together doesn't mean we were rubbing it in your face that 'Hah ha we're here without you so there.' for from it actually. I would like to think that you didn't think of me as that kind of person to be like that to a FRIEND. Just because we're not hanging out with you doesn't mean we're never hanging out with you again and that we're not friends or something. I'm sure it's totally different for you, but for me when my friends decide to hang out with out me, I don't really care. I figure, as long as their having fun, good, Enjoy yourself and tell me about it later, i'd love to hear. I don't have abandonment issues and can't even begin to understand them so sorry if we unintentionally hurt you. It wasn't meant to. And the '*sigh*' was mainly just a sigh. Not really anything signifigant. Like I said, I have no problem not bothering you with pirates. I really don't. That's completely fine. It's other things at this point. So yeah, whatever, it's fine on this side about not buggering at you.

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Row Row Fight the Power!

And despite what you may think, not that I actually know what your thinking. I care about you. Because that's what friends do. I would never intentionally hurt a friend. Becaud I'm not that kind of person. So when your ready to forgive me for whatever i've done to urk you. Great. Because I've already gotten over how you also made me feel and have forgiven myself for putting a friend through greif.

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Row Row Fight the Power!

Well -obviously- not. Because I apologized over this whole thing to you last night on MSN and then you logged off.

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Well. If you did I never got it. My phone probably logged me off right when you did it. And when it does that it closes all conversations.

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Row Row Fight the Power!

*going to talk, it might not seem that relievent so you can ignore it if you want, but I dunno... I thought hearing that someone else felt a little like you might make you feel better. Especially since people have made comments like you're undeserving of harboring those feelings*

Ever since I was very little I've had a hard time making friends in real life. When I was young, my mom had to physically go up and ask other children "Hey can Shannon play with you? :3". As I've grown I still haven't shed that fear of sorts.

I don't have any problem with TALKING to people. And if other people initiate the friendship/talking/whatever I'm totally fine and you'd never guess that I was 'so shy'. But I just have serious problem with instigating things. I have these horrible feelings deep inside that I'm bothering people, or guilting them into something they'd rather not do. I can't even invite friends to go see a movie most the time, because I'm so worried about it.

Needless to say it's made my friendships kind of difficult. And in nearly ever occassion it's gotten to the point where I have a really close friend, we meet someone new (and cooler then me), and then all the sudden I'm dropped like a bad habit. And since I just can't... you know.. try to make people do things with me it soon becomes this horrible mess where I get to listen to "Ohhh me and blahhh had SUCH a great time" on aim every night, but never once get invited to do said stuff with anyone. Not until it's convienent for them and their other friend can't do anything. And the one or two times when I have gotten so fed up and mentioned it I get some thing about "Well YOU could invite us to go do stuff", which as I've mentioned before.. I can't. I just can't.

Now I'm kind of an extreme, borderline a hermit, but the point remains it DOES hurt alot to hear about your friends doing cool stuff when you aren't invited. It hurts even more when you ask people to do things and the request gets completely ignored/rejected. You have so little time left together, if they can't see that and don't want to spend as much time with you as possible that's something their missing, and will possibly get to regret once you've gone. I really can't say anything that I know will make you feel better about the whole situation, but I just wanted to say don't ever feel bad about (or let other people convince you don't deserve to feel) being neglected or 'mistreated'. If the only way other people can react to you releasing your true feelings when you're hurting is defensiveness or flippancy then they aren't even worth it.